A letter to my baby

Dear British Gas,

Hi, my name is Voon Yuan, your loyal fan and great supporter.


First of all, I would like to thank you for supplying me with energy to our nice little flat in Earls Court. We wouldn't have survived the extreme winter without your helpful engineer who came to fix our boiler/heater AFTER TWO FREAKING MONTHS we called you !!!


Recently as we moved out the flat during summer, I was so sad because I had to call you to end our relationship. (Supplier and User). I have to confess that I wet my pillows many times thinking of you.
Until one fine day during the summer, I received an email from you. I was so surprised and excited!

Oh! Didn't I ended my relationship with you? And you still remember me.....

This is the kinda email you used to send me when we were together.

It was jaw-dropping when I click to the link to view my bill.

I cant believe it! After all this while.....

I thought we said we were clear to £0.00 when we broke up!

Confused as I was I ran up the stairs and called you with my new bt hub kick-ass cordless phone.

I was shocked to find that you have changed your number!! Your cute operator gave me your new number 0800 048 0202. Dont blame her okay?

Then when I finally get to speak to you AFTER ALL YOUR MOTHER FUKIN OPERATORS AND COMPUTER CHECK... Your 2nd girlfriend answered. So, I spoke gently, I swear it was just as gentle as you would go up her arse....


Below was our conversation:

"Hi, I would like to ask about my bill and its an important matter."

"Oh, I need to give my bf a blowjob, I put you on the billing department okay? "

10 fuckin (literally okay) minutes later..

"Hi, I am blabla from billing department. I checked through your account."

"So, do I have to pay you £2308.94 ??"

"Yes, sir... indeed" (bloody scottish accent)

"But why? because I hooked up on your wife?"

"Can I speak to the lovely lady who spoke to me at first? I havent finish flirting with her yet."
"Okay.. If you wish"

"Hi, cutie, can you check what was the final payment I've made to British Gas?"

"Yes, its £354.54 ."

"Do you know why I paid you this amount? Its should be the outstanding amount to terminate our energy supply by 19th June 2009. It was based on our true meter reading!! "

"Oh, I thought you paid to get me laid... one moment I checked it up for you. "

Another 10 fuckin minutes.... (luckily I was using my kick-ass cordless phone, I can on loudspeaker, listen to the purrring voice the girl made, while I continue to work with my stuff )

"Yes sir, we finally found that it was based on a meter reading 10xxx is it correct sir? "

"HOW the fuck I gonna remember my meter reading?? I have no idea.. I guess so."

"But we dont have it recorded on our system, so we billed you. " (Equivalent of saying I am a guy but I have no cock! )

" Well, since you tell me, why dont you record it now ? I'm done !!"

"Okay sir, we will send you a new bill in 10 working days."

"WTF???? You gonna bill me again???? "

"Yes... for that phone porn you heard for 20 minutes!"

Thanks for your time dear... Oh, I have decided, since we didnt meet for so long, I compiled a short video specially for you. Enjoy dear !!






Please DO NOT estimate me okay ??


Yours sincerely

vY